I’ve been having what you might call a quarter-ish life crisis lately (hence the lack of blogging, so my apologies for that).
For those of you who don’t know, I left my high profile, high stress marketing agency career one year ago next month, to pursue a master’s degree in writing. And while some people may think it’s crazy to give up a paying career in this economy, I knew I had to make the leap, and at least try to live the life of my dreams, sky-high student loans be damned.
And now here I am, slated to graduate in six months, and not feeling that much closer to my dream life, my “perfect self” life than I was when I began. You know what I mean by a “perfect self” don’t you? It’s that version of you that has impossibly glossy, swingy hair, and is ten or fifteen pounds lighter, because your perfect self actually goes to that bootcamp class at the gym, instead of meeting a girlfriend for a mani/pedi with wine, making you just a smidge too sauced to be sprinting and sweating like a mad woman, while the frighteningly fit instructor snaps at you for not lifting your knees high enough as you scale the hurdle-cum-death-traps she’s set up. Like I did this afternoon (the mani/pedi/wine, that is).
My perfect self goes to the gym almost every day, has goals clearly mapped out, and gasp—sticks to them. My perfect self remembers to call her friends regularly, and doesn’t wait until her laundry basket is overflowing, and she literally has nothing left but her wedding dress to wear, before doing laundry. And then she actually puts the clean clothes away immediately, hot out of the dryer, instead of using the dryer as a wardrobe. My perfect self has also figured out exactly what she wants from life. As you might have guessed, I do none of these “perfect self” things.
I saw this quote inside my favorite Belmont Heights boutique Twig & Willow and snapped a photo of it:
And while I find this idea incredibly comforting, I can’t seem to quiet the nagging voice in the back of my mind, the one that whispers, “That’s all well and good, but what if you don’t know what you want? What you really want?”
And so, I’m going on a mission. A small one. Maybe mission is too strong of a word? Regardless, I am going to try and discover, maybe for the first time in my life, what it is I really want. Not what I think I should want, or what other people want, or what other people think I should want. I’m going to experiment, to strike out, to discover.
I’m going to use this blog space to record what I’ve found, and maybe even do a little ruminating. I’m not sure yet how it will look—we’ll have to see how it goes. I hope you don’t mind the personal turn the blog will take from time to time, and as always, I’ll love to hear about your thoughts, your journey, your tools. Whether it’s a yoga pose or a hair treatment, if there’s anything that’s made your inner or outer life more beautiful, pass it on! And I’ll do the same.
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