I’ve been having what you might call a quarter-ish life crisis lately (hence the lack of blogging, so my apologies for that).
For those of you who don’t know, I left my high profile, high stress marketing agency career one year ago next month, to pursue a master’s degree in writing. And while some people may think it’s crazy to give up a paying career in this economy, I knew I had to make the leap, and at least try to live the life of my dreams, sky-high student loans be damned.
And now here I am, slated to graduate in six months, and not feeling that much closer to my dream life, my “perfect self” life than I was when I began. You know what I mean by a “perfect self” don’t you? It’s that version of you that has impossibly glossy, swingy hair, and is ten or fifteen pounds lighter, because your perfect self actually goes to that bootcamp class at the gym, instead of meeting a girlfriend for a mani/pedi with wine, making you just a smidge too sauced to be sprinting and sweating like a mad woman, while the frighteningly fit instructor snaps at you for not lifting your knees high enough as you scale the hurdle-cum-death-traps she’s set up. Like I did this afternoon (the mani/pedi/wine, that is).
My perfect self goes to the gym almost every day, has goals clearly mapped out, and gasp—sticks to them. My perfect self remembers to call her friends regularly, and doesn’t wait until her laundry basket is overflowing, and she literally has nothing left but her wedding dress to wear, before doing laundry. And then she actually puts the clean clothes away immediately, hot out of the dryer, instead of using the dryer as a wardrobe. My perfect self has also figured out exactly what she wants from life. As you might have guessed, I do none of these “perfect self” things.
I saw this quote inside my favorite Belmont Heights boutique Twig & Willow and snapped a photo of it:
And while I find this idea incredibly comforting, I can’t seem to quiet the nagging voice in the back of my mind, the one that whispers, “That’s all well and good, but what if you don’t know what you want? What you really want?”
And so, I’m going on a mission. A small one. Maybe mission is too strong of a word? Regardless, I am going to try and discover, maybe for the first time in my life, what it is I really want. Not what I think I should want, or what other people want, or what other people think I should want. I’m going to experiment, to strike out, to discover.
I’m going to use this blog space to record what I’ve found, and maybe even do a little ruminating. I’m not sure yet how it will look—we’ll have to see how it goes. I hope you don’t mind the personal turn the blog will take from time to time, and as always, I’ll love to hear about your thoughts, your journey, your tools. Whether it’s a yoga pose or a hair treatment, if there’s anything that’s made your inner or outer life more beautiful, pass it on! And I’ll do the same.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Wonderful post, Miranda. Thank you for your honesty. I, too, am having similar thoughts and feelings. Looking forward to reading about your findings over the next six months. Best wishes to you, as always.
Thank you, Kate
XOXO
it might take more than 6 months. have patience. and especially don’t return to doing something you already know you don’t like, that’s a step backwards. continue to try new things. be free.
You are not alone, love. I will say that I am starting to take the stance that the part of myself that ditches my 3 mile run to drink one (or 3) too many glasses of wine, talk too loud and stay up too late at night after telling myself I would do none of these things IS my perfect self. That day.
Keep writing! You’ve already found so much on this journey…you will find what you’re looking for!
Ahh, MV…you took the words right out of my head. You’ll figure it out…you’re a brilliant little bunny and I have faith in you. I’ll figure it out someday too
Miss you! xo
I am going through the EXACT same thing right now. I’m 25 and leaving my steady-paying job to move to France for a year to write and figure out what it is I really want to do. And the scary part is, I’m not sure I’m going to come back with any answers! My current boss gave me a bit of reassuring advice: she said, “Just figure out what you want to do for the next 5 years. Don’t worry about the rest of your life.” I plan to explore and throw myself into everything I love, and trust that my path will become clear through action. I look forward to reading your updates!
miranda,i love getting to catch up with you on your blog. and i love your current bent. say hello to the mister for me.evaps nicole you should email me when you get to france! i’ve been living in italy since january and am hoping to settle near genova in the spring. Genova, you may have noticed, is conveniently located near France.